i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
