i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
she peed on how many people?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize