you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
