Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
