i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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