Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Randomize
