I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
