My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
So many bounce houses so little time
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
