I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
