Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
