you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
