I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
