so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
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