I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
