Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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