I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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