Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
