I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
