I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
