I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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