you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize