No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
