You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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