Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
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