I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
