that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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