I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
He has the fingertips of a God
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