i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
