My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Randomize
