I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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