just come out here and I will go home with you...
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Randomize
