For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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