Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
