Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Randomize
