she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
