woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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