Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
