You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize