Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
