aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
