I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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