I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
