Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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