All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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