you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
