There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
