went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
