My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
