they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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