I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
