It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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