i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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