Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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