I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
