My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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