Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
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