OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
