I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I looked at my own cervix.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize