No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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