you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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