I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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