she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
