i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
