Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
