I accidentally had phone sex last night
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
