Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
