so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
