peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
