Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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