and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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