saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
