my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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