The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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