hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
