I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Randomize
