there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
