I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I got her a Nickelback box set.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
