Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
