I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
