So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I just made out with a guy for $7.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
My dick has a subreddit
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
