Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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