you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
