Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
